FutureSarah

Attempt number 3 at NaBloPoMo, begin now.

Yesterday morning I had my first Shiva Nata practice.  I waited until the weekend so I could get familiar with the practice DVD at my own pace.  I set my intention to find my energy.  Where is it?  Who knows?  It’s been gone for years.  Maybe I’ve never had it.

Anyway, 15 minutes or so of flailing my arms about like a crazy person, and the answer appeared.  Your energy, miss?  It’s RIGHT HERE.  Yeah, part of it was the energizing practice itself, but most of it was the epiphany (!) that my energy is always there, I just have to ask for it.  I cleaned myself up for the day, and ran around the house straightening things up in the hours before Amy arrived.

Then Amy arrived!  Birthday pedicure at Red Rock, wooo!  Most luxurious pampering I’ve had in a long time.  It was delicious!  I spent Halloween night by myself for the first time in a long time (ever?).  I was surprisingly okay with it – I just felt like this was my year to sit back and watch the kiddies enjoy themselves, fawn over babies in costumes, and then go home and watch scary movies in the dark.  A totally valid way to celebrate – and much better for your waistline and teeth.

Today was Shiva Nata practice #2.  No new epiphanies, but that is okay.  Then, BBQ!  I made two cole slaws, recipes from the beautiful Smitten Kitchen blog (here and here).  Broccoli slaw was delicious.  I think the green onion slaw was missing something.  Anyway, I’ve got a week’s worth of red cabbage left to figure out how to make it better!  I ate turkey burgers, then roasted marshmallows, played some Beatles Rock Band, and generally had a fantastic time.

Then!  OMG!  Birthday phone call from my bestest friend, who despite the fact that we only talk twice a year, remains my closest friend.  We talked for 1 hour and 40 minutes, according to iPhone.  Good end to a good weekend.  Now I need to wash these dishes before I go to sleep, so I can wake up early and get Shivanautical again!!!

Exclamation point!!

I had the weirdest dream last night.  That I remember it in such detail is clearly a sign that you all need to know more about my crazy brain.

Scene 1.  My girlfriends Beverly and Ryca (neither of whom live in Las Vegas) went to the Texas Station Casino (coincidentally the location of the haunted house I went to last night IRL).  We went in to a bar/restaurant there – it was nice and dark and loungey.  One of the girls noted that Barack Obama was going to be in attendance.  At the bar, at the off-strip casino.  The President.

There he was, in the corner!  There was a line about 10 people long of people wanting to talk to him; we queued up.  Michelle was there too, holding one of her daughters, but for some reason they were standing still, facing away from me the whole time.  Fast forward, and we got to the front of the line, just in time for the President to say that he had to wrap up the meet & greet so he could get to his meeting.  He shook our hands, then said, why don’t you go talk to ______?  I don’t remember the name, but in my dream he was obviously some kind of pro baseball player.  Obama pointed to indicate the guy, sitting alone at a table in the corner.  None of us girls were interested in something as silly as sports, so we left (I think we started walking away as Obama was still talking to us).  BTW, Obama was impossibly handsome and charming in this dream.

Scene 2.  I don’t know where Beverly went, but Ryca and I were in the parking garage getting ready to leave, and we walked up to my car (which, IRL, I just spent nearly $2000 on fixing everything that was wrong).  We both got in the car, but Ryca left the passenger door open, since we were just chatting for a minute before we said goodbye and she walked to her own car.  I have no idea what we talked about.

When she got up and closed the door behind her, her coat got caught in the door.  Rather than opening the door again like a normal person, she just tugged on her jacket until it came loose, BREAKING MY CAR IN THE PROCESS!  Something let loose, and the metal skin of the car (yes, I know this is not how cars are really put together) had come detached from the wood frame underneath.  I could still drive it, but man – how much was that going to cost??

The parking lot attendant asked if he could give me a ride somewhere.  I declined politely, and drove off into the darkness.

The end.

Hooray for lucid dreams!  Jon, *this* is why I keep hitting snooze in the morning.  Weird crap like this that my brain produces, somewhere between dreaming and consciousness, is like watching a David Lynch film.  I just can’t turn it off

I live in Nevada now!  I went to the DMV to register my car today, and got my fancy “sunset” license plates.  My new drivers’ license also arrived in the mail today.  Now I can get all those great Locals Discounts around town, whee!  A bit belated, but it’s a good feeling to get that out of the way finally.

I’ve been working on getting my life in order – and trying not to get too down when it doesn’t go as planned.  Last Friday, I had a last-minute opportunity to see U2 with a dear friend – I took that, and a Frosty on the way home, as a last indulgence before I dug deep into taking care of myself, and my home, again.  Of course, Saturday I had BBQ for dinner, which always entails a meat overdose, but at least I ordered the mixed veggies as a side instead of mac and cheese or baked beans.  Sunday I didn’t get much done because of a headache that persisted all day.  By meeting all the requirements for getting my car registered over the weekend (Nevada insurance, smog check, etc), I still ended up ahead.

I turn 31 in a couple of weeks 8 days. Am I supposed to say that?  I don’t have anything planned, really, except that sweet Amy is taking me for a pedicure at Red Rock Casino this weekend!  Yay!  Then I go back to the Bay Area for a weekend to see my boyfriend, my sister, and my parents!  Triple yay!

Upcoming:  I am going to check out this stuff.  Work on this stuff.  Hopefully find a better dance studio (did I tell you yet that the last one didn’t work out so well?).  Get back in the gym!  Maybe I’ll run a race!  Also, Christmas presents!  Yikes, but yay!

<therapy>

Now that I’m living on my own again, I am finding it very hard to take care of myself.  I have no one to present myself and my home to except me.  I feel like I’m on a little bit of a “life sabbatical”, day job notwithstanding, but it’s very stressful all the same.  One of the big reasons I came to Vegas was to get my shit together.  I am so tired at the end of the day, though, that I don’t have enough energy to do the things that need to get done.

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I just got back from the theater, where I saw Julie & Julia.  Who’da thunk, a movie about blogging?  And food?  It’s a sign!  To the Internet we go!

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It seems like I tend to neglect my blog for a while, then announce that I’m going to dive back in to it.  I write a post or two, then it tapers off, and before you know it, THREE MONTHS have passed without any activity.  Here we go again….

When we last saw each other, there was a lot of shit going on that I couldn’t talk about.  This is primarily why I stopped writing – the things on my mind weren’t things I could tell the world.  Here’s a recap (it’s a doozy)!

• I’d been generally unhappy at work since Christmas.  I had a lot of trouble focusing on small tasks, and found myself working really hard not to be angry at people who didn’t (necessarily) deserve it.
• From the stress of it all, I started having heart palpitations.  I went to the doctor (which I’ve mentioned before), and she told me there was nothing physically wrong.  She sent me to a behavioral therapist to try to talk through my stress.
• I ran across this article on the wonderful Eat. Drink. Better. blog in February.  I couldn’t talk about it because I didn’t want to freak out my employers, but Oh. My. God.  They have graduate programs for exactly the kind of things I’ve been spending all my free time learning about!  Those of you who know me well know that I think about food constantly.  Cooking, eating, nutrition, sustainability, you name it.  Now, Montana is not high on my list of places to live, but it got me thinking – and researching – and now I have a short list of universities to apply to if I decide to really do this (continue reading, other circumstances may change in the next year).
• Thinking about school immediately lifted my spirits, and I started feeling much better.  After a month or two, though, it sank in that this couldn’t happen for at least a year, and the day-to-day realities started to bring me back down again (and the panic attacks got MUCH worse).  I got put on anti-anxiety/anti-depressant medication.  Yay!
• At the end of March I did what I always do when GDC comes to town – I went to work during the day, and hit the parties at night.  It was good to catch up with out-of-town friends, but then an unexpected thing happened – a job opportunity!  Now, my thought process around this decision was very involved, and too long for this particular blog post.  Long story short, I took a job working for Jet Set Games – in Las Vegas!  No, Jon did not move with me (yet).
• So I’ve been here in Vegas for about a month.  So far, so great!  I am working on iPhone development, which feels very fresh and cutting-edge.  Everyone I work with is fantastic.  I’m never cold here!  Mostly, I am having time by myself to clear my head from all the clutter that’s been building up over the last six months.  In a year, I should know whether the software industry is where I want to stay.  This feels like the kind of company where I can be really happy – cool people who know what they’re doing, short project cycles, new exciting platform.  A lot can happen in that time, but for now I am putting all of my energies into Jet Set and getting settled in Vegas!

That’s all the hush-hush-can’t-talk news I was holding inside.  TMI?

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Also, how did I not watch So You Think You Can Dance until now?  That show is fantastic!

Remember this post?  Yeah, so I got the idea for the first recipient’s gift pretty much right away – and then life happened.  Finally, 3 months and 1 day later, it’s done!

(Apologies in advance for dark and crappy photography; there is some detail that doesn’t quite come through in the pictures)

I present to you, Andrei, your Idea Pillow!

You are definitely an “idea” guy, I think.  I hope you like it!  It’s waiting for you, for next time we see each other.

I wish I had made the pillow a bit bigger, and the applique a bit smaller in relation to the pillow size.  My favorite part, though, is the zippered back:

which was incredibly tricky and clever, and brought to you by this post from house on hill road.

I’ve been trying to take better care of myself lately, given all the stress I’ve been under, panic attacks, fatigue, you name it.  Here’s a quick rundown (again, indulging my list fetish):

• Ballet is now pretty regularly three times a week – Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday.  I got new shoes that feel terrific (last pair was from college, yikes!).  It finally feels like a place I belong.  I also cherish leaving work at 5pm and getting to be by myself on the train for 30 minutes – it is easy to get so caught up in work that you let it run over the rest of your life.
• Running on Wednesdays and Saturdays.  I am now up to 4.2 miles, well on my way to a healthy Bay to Breakers!  Here’s yesterday’s map:
• As an experiment, last time I was at the pharmacy I picked up a bottle of glucosamine/chondroitin, and Jon and I have been taking it daily.  I don’t know for sure whether it is helping, but I do know my hips and knees have been pretty happy this week.  I’m giving it a month.
• Did you see the episode of Wife Swap with the English guy from San Francisco (self-edited to remove any other descriptors – he was at his worst, and doesn’t deserve to be badgered about it after realizing what happened)?  You should.  I don’t like the premise of the show, and never watch it – except for this one that has been going around the Internet.  The one good thing to come out of that episode is that I found out about his wife, Renee Stephens, who is a life coach.  After a little googling, I found out she has a weight-loss podcast that I have been listening to RELIGIOUSLY for the past week.  I know I don’t have a huge weight problem, but I do have a huge food problem.  I need to get in the right head space, or no amount of exercise will get me to where I want to be.  This podcast seems to be exactly the right thing to help me do that.

In other news, the sweater is coming along (a few more rows and I’ll be able to put together the three body pieces, make sure they fit, start on the sleeves and start looking for a couple more skeins of yarn to match)….getting geared up for GDC (which I am not attending, but always brings many friends and parties to town)….in general, just trying to get my life in order to prepare for what is to come.  There are a lot of things up in the air right now that should be resolved in the next month or two – hopefully for the better!

Two new additions to the store today – gloves and a scarf:

For a little while, I think I will be working on a few non-Etsy projects – a sweater for myself that has been WIP for a year and half; the first of my “I will give you stuff” projects (materials have been purchased), and a special order pair of gloves (need to find the right yarn).

On top of that, there’s thinking more about the design of this site, there’s working on my side website project with Jon, and you know, regular work

This is me last Thursday:

I did not have a cold.  I had the most vengeful bout of food poisoning that I’ve had since I can remember.  I had a really great illustration picked out from Google Image Search, but I don’t want to gross you all out.  Let’s just say the worst of it was over Thursday, but it was Monday night before I was able to eat food besides crackers and orange juice.  I tried on Saturday night, since we had Valentine’s Day reservations for dinner at a nice place, but I was really only pecking at my risotto and felt pretty bad afterward.

This is me today:

Just got back from my first run in oh, I don’t know how long.  Gmap-pedometer says it was about 2.75 miles.  It felt great!  I don’t want to commit myself to too much for fear of getting all stressed out again, but I think it would be cool to be in shape for Bay to Breakers this year (12K in mid May).