I’m making a slight adjustment to the schedule – and changing this regular post from Friday Chicken (which I frequently miss anyway) to the Weekend Chicken. That way, I am as relaxed as I will be during/after a weekend of rest, and it makes more sense to set goals for the coming week. Sunday evening, for me, seems like a more logical endpoint to the week, and a better place to look forward from – although I reserve the right to post at any point during the weekend.

The Hard Stuff

You know what? I’m not putting anything here. I am just wrapping up a fantastic Thanksgiving vacation, and now is not the time to complain. There are things weighing on my mind, but they are nothing new (and better kept private, for now). Let’s just say that I did a bunch of reflection throughout the week, and revelled in my disconnectedness (see below).

The Good Stuff

Disconnectedness. Beginning at the time I boarded the flight to New Hampshire on Tuesday morning, do you know how many times I checked Twitter? None. Facebook? The same. I did a couple of hours’ worth of work in the form of proofreading and responding to emails, but that’s it. I completely checked out from my regular life for these eight days. I shouldn’t have to tell you how awesome that is.

Nice people, who didn’t care that I just wanted to chill the f**k out. We spent the majority of the break with The Boy’s parents, and we did…not much. I worked on a cross-stitch that is nearly complete, and I read Jane Austen. I watched a little TV, but not too much. Made pie. Ate it. Ate other stuff, too. Sunday night we headed to Boston to stay with friends, and continued the trend of sleeping until we wanted to, and doing whatever we felt like. That included seeing the new Harry Potter movie. Also….

Beer! Went to the Samuel Adams Brewery today, and went on the (free!) tour, including beer. Yum. Go there if you get the chance.

Even the airports couldn’t bring me down. Aside from a couple of wardrobe problems (missing button on coat, broken necklace), moving through the airports has been a breeze. None of the crazy TSA bulls**t people have been whining about on the Internets – at least between LAS, PHI and BOS. Reasonable security lines. The weather agreed with my travel plans. Wheee! I am currently sitting in the airport waiting to come home while I write this, so hopefully I haven’t jinxed anything, but the traveling part of this vacation has been completely painless up to now.

Objectives Quests!

Blegh. Objectives sounds so cold and business-like, but I really do want to add a section for looking forward to next week. I need a list.

So yeah, Christmas carols abound now. It’s not bothering me yet. I will repeat my mantra from last week, and just try to let it all wash over me. Nothing needs to get under my skin. I’m going to take care of myself, starting with sleeping in my own bed, with my own pillow, tonight. I am going to take a deep breath when issues come up at work, and remember that another awesome break is only three weeks away.

I hope you all had a great (gut-busting) Thanksgiving, and welcome to the madhouse that is Christma-Hannu-Kwanzaa! I’ll be sitting in the corner, hot apple cider in hand, watching everyone scurry by. Join me, won’t you?

The Hard Stuff

So, Monday Happened. Hoo boy, all the things I was holding in from last week came out on Monday. I was full of anger and shame, which is not a good combination ever, let alone when you are trying to ship a game with a group of also-tired people. Near the end of the day I had a nice one-on-one with my boss, then I had dinner (read: wine) with the fabulous Angela, and the bounce happened. I had expunged my stress, and could finally let it go. Thank God, that sucked balls.

Sleep patterns are holding. I Facebook’d a little while back that I’d come to the realization that it’s pretty unbecoming for a 32-year-old to hit snooze six times every morning instead of, say, trusting her nighttime self to know when she needs to get up in the morning. You know how well that worked? I got out of bed after only one snooze! For just two days in a row. I can chock it up to being overworked and underslept, but then I think about things like what it will be like when I’m a mom someday. You can’t hit snooze on babies. People deal with this every single day; why can’t I? It’s ridiculous; I know I’m not getting good rest when I drift off into lucid dreams in nine-minute increments for an hour every day. I just get late, and have to miss breakfast.

The Good Stuff

Beta, Bitches. In spite of my monsters’ best efforts, we are nearly done with the secret thing we’ve been working on. At least, one point oh. Still secret, though. Muahahaha!

Remember this?

Oh my gawd you guys, do you know what I finished?? I won’t tell you until next week. But it’s awesome. Anticipate!

Well, I still don’t have pictures. But I made something like this. That there sweater, I bought the yarn for over a year ago. It was supposed to be The Boy’s birthday present in 2009. I’m going with the story that the yarn was the 2009 gift, and the effort that went in to it was for 2010. Es verdad, ¿verdad?

Do you know how freaking good it feels, to take something you’ve worked on (on and off) for a year, and just finish it? Of course you do. You are all reasonable people.

There are bursts of energy. Por ejemplo, Wednesday I came home from work at 11:00. Then I cleaned for an hour. Sink emptied of dirty dishes, smelly trash removed from the house, piles of paper sorted (and stacked neatly to wait for the weekend), floordrobe gone. I already know I can’t go to bed directly after getting home from work, no matter how late it is, so I just took the time to improve my environment a little. Worked wonders!

Objectives Quests!

Blegh. Objectives sounds so cold and business-like, but I really do want to add a section for looking forward to next week. I need a list.

I was totally fine with the fact that Thanksgiving break is coming up – looking forward to it, even – when I started hearing chatter about Black Friday. Blech, the holidays really are here. I love them, in concept. I just hate the commercial industries around this time of year.

New objective: ignore all of it. I don’t need to spend a lot. As soon as this hectic work period is over, I plan to get into the semi-hectic-but-no-serious-deadlines period of making gifts for people. Small things, meaningful things, bits of happiness for only the people closest to me.

Also: PIE!

The Hard Stuff

The work. It just. keeps. going. It’s not going to let up until after the first week of December – there’s nothing I can do about it, except keep going. The thing that makes it difficult is that I have to keep switching between Producer Sarah, Programmer Sarah and Designer Sarah. I like wearing different hats – but trying to juggle all three at the same time is pretty tiring. Such is life at a software startup, ya?

Still fighting the blues. This will be obvious to those who pay attention, but I missed last week’s Chicken. I felt really bad about it, but still watched the weekend fly by without updating.

Here’s how it went down. Friday I was way too occupied at work to take a break and write the thing. Saturday I was in and out of the house so much I still couldn’t take the time. Sunday? Well, let’s just say I didn’t get out of bed. I couldn’t. Between allergies, stress/depression, feeling generally crappy from not having myself-time, and the lure of The Deathly Hallows, I just couldn’t bring myself to face the day until it was starting to get dark.

To be fair, I did do a lot of reflecting. I just didn’t want to write it down. It took another week for me to be okay enough with the fact that I stayed in bed for an entire day, to be able to actually talk about it. What a crappy week I had to have it come to this. (This last week, after said stay-in-bed day, was better.)

The Good Stuff

This week, nothing really good happened. It didn’t suck, but there were no moments of awesome. Last week, though? Before the blahs hit?

Birthday, yeahhhh! I’m 32 now. Got all sorts of noms bought for me, which if you know me at all, you know is a very good thing.

Mao’s Last Dancer. It’s fantastic. I saw it with Jamie on Saturday, and my eyes were glued to the screen. Most of you won’t get this, but double back cabrioles? Holy business, I love it! Pretty okay story, too.

Halloween! and Your San Francisco Giants! I didn’t totally participate in either of these things, but I enjoyed being around them. It’s good to see other people being happy and having fun. It brightens everything, as long as they don’t get belligerently drunk (like tends to happen here in Vegas). I mostly avoided the bad parts.

Oh my gawd you guys, do you know what I finished?? I won’t tell you until next week. But it’s awesome. Anticipate!

Objectives Quests!

Blegh. Objectives sounds so cold and business-like, but I really do want to add a section for looking forward to next week. I need a list.

I totally failed at not freaking out. Looking at my list, it would be easy to blame a birthday, but I don’t think that was it. I think it had to do more with too much of everything, and not listening to when my body said enough is enough. I’m still not good at it, but I know it’ll just take practice.

My next quest looks like this:

• Relax.
• Keep putting one foot in front of the other.
• Dance. Move. Flail. Run. Stretch. Breathe. Not all at once.

Stuff will get done, and no matter how far away the goal seems, I will feel like I have been productive.

The Hard Stuff

Hooey, busy still. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I think it’ll be somewhere around Thanksgiving, but like always in this industry, there’s always a new busy waiting. Still can’t talk about stuff, but it is the source of most of my stress these days.

Too much produce? I didn’t think this was possible – but I so seldom eat at home these days, and when I do it’s more often than not a sandwich or some cereal, *maybe* a stir fry, that I’m not getting close to using up all my CSA food that comes each week. It makes me sad, because it looks delicious, but inside I’m all, “seriously?!?! Another melon?!? More eggplants/okra/beets?!?!” Delicious normally, but way too time- and thought-consuming for me to fit it in right now.

Jake. He was my cat for a large part of my adolescence – we got some kittens right before I went into high school in 19<<mumbles>>, and his royal orange cuteness was the one who attached to me. Jakey No Bones. Jake the Jell-o Cat. He slept with me every night, and when I went away to college, he would meet me at my car when he heard it pull up every few weeks. My dad called and told me he passed away this week, at the ripe old age of 18. I’m sad, but it was definitely his time. I know he’s comfortable wherever he is right now. If nothing else, it’s bringing me closer to my current furbabies.

The Good Stuff

Visitors! I’ll just keep this headline up from last week, because The Boy is here right now. Sitting across from me, even!

Anticipation! Sunday is Halloween. Next Wednesday is my <<mumbles>> birthday!!

Weather! Fall weather, that is! After about a week of rain, thunderstorms, and even a bit of hail, Vegas seems to have settled into it’s chilly Fall pattern. Sweater weather, yum!

OMG Ballet! I did as I said I would last week and sewed up my new pointe shoes, then actually cut out of work on time to go to class on Monday night. My calves are still smarting a bit, but it was wonderful in every way!

Objectives Quests!

Blegh. Objectives sounds so cold and business-like, but I really do want to add a section for looking forward to next week. I need a list.

So, I still have to finish that big knitting project – but it is AL. MOST. DONE. Can’t wait to show you! Otherwise, my list looks like this:

• Do Halloween stuff. Fright Dome!
• Have some dates with The Boy. Not the food kind, the going-out-together kind.
• Don’t freak out.
• Laundry. Always.
• Get tickets home for Christmas.
• Move!
• Make!
• Love it all! And if you don’t love it, really evaluate if you need to do it at all.

The Hard Stuff

So, I had a draft of this blog post up on Friday, but got swamped with work just enough that it didn’t get finished. So hey, the weekend happened! I’ll just leave this weeks’ Hard as busy, busy, busy.

Oh, and allergies. Weather-changey-rific suckification. I am back on Zyrtec, watching my fluids, and even pulled out the humidifier today. Here’s hoping this passes quickly this year.

The Good Stuff

Visitors! Friday night my parents, aunt and uncle dropped by and stayed overnight on their voyage from Boise to Palm Desert. We all had dinner, then Saturday morning my aunt and uncle took off early so I could have some extra time with my folks. After brunch, I took them to my absolute favorite place in Vegas – Red Rock Canyon. We toured the visitor center and then drove the 13-mile scenic loop before they had to take off as well.

Objectives Quests!

Blegh. Objectives sounds so cold and business-like, but I really do want to add a section for looking forward to next week. I need a list.

Update on last week: Work productivity? Check. Housecleaning? Check. Movement? Not so much. Today, when I was planning on definitely going to ballet class, a) I needed to prioritize work over fun, and b) I was so dizzy from allergies I didn’t even get that far. Sofa work instead, whee!

So this week, I absolutely need to get off my butt. In fact, as soon as I’m done writing this, I’m gonna sew up my pointe shoes and pack my stuff for tomorrow. Just in case I can leave work before 7. Then I have to block a big knitting project that’s been sitting there finished for a couple of weeks. Then I’m definitely going to bed before midnight.

The Boy will be here Thursday! Halloween Sunday! Good things to come. Need to prioritize.

So, yeah. It’s not Friday, it’s Monday. I am chocking it up to being out of town again (Boise! See below), but it’s suspiciously beginning to look like a bad habit forming. I don’t feel altogether bad about it – I am definitely paying attention to my limits more often these days, which is sort of the point of this whole exercise. Now, on to the exercise….

The Hard Stuff

A case of the Mondays, yikes. Last week started off with, woah, tons of anger and anxiety. I’m not sure where it came from – likely trying to catch up from anything that didn’t happen while I was in Austin. Tuesday wasn’t much better, but thankfully, things improved after that.

Rain –> allergies. All of the non-native plants explode with pollen in the fall here, bringing worse allergies than I’ve had anywhere else. Unfortunately, I get nasty side effects (bloody noses, etc.) from any of the non-drowsy allergy medicines available. Last year I made do with a half-dose of Zyrtec. We’ll see how this season progresses; so far it’s…tolerable.

The Good Stuff

Happy birthday, Grandma Rosie! She turns 86 (!) this week, and it had been too long since I’d seen her, so I flew up to Boise for a quick trip over the weekend. I spent a few hours with her on Saturday, talking about all manner of things, having tea and gingersnaps. Delightful. Throw in time spent with uncles, cousins, second cousins, tasty local noms, soccer spectating, miles of walking under Autumn skies, and beer, and it was altogether a wonderful weekend (up until the weather-delayed return flights, but that’s old hat for me now).

Beyond the stressful times, work is happening. Things are getting done. Unfortunately I can’t talk about it beyond that, but at least while things are stressful, they are moving forward well. It feels good, when I can step back from the ohmygodthemilestoneiscoming feelings.

Objectives Quests!

Blegh. Objectives sounds so cold and business-like, but I really do want to add a section for looking forward to next week. I need a list.

I’m not going out of town this week, hooray! You know what is happening? My parents will be here overnight. And my aunt and uncle. At the same time. I love them all to pieces, and especially since I don’t live near my folks anymore, they are completely welcome to visit. Visitors, though, are stressful no matter how much you want them. The coming days will be a balancing act between being productive at work, tidying up a bit (just enough) around the house, and getting in my alone-time to eat well, move my body, and make things.

It seems at once like so little and so much work – but you know what? I can totally handle it. Everything may not get finished, but if the intention is there, that is plenty.

Havi at The Fluent Self has a wonderful habit (among many) of checking in with herself every Friday, to reflect on how the week went. I like it. I don’t have a better name for it, so for now I am stealing quietly borrowing hers.

The Hard Stuff

Wow, lots of work. I’m still reluctant to file it under The Hard Stuff, because it doesn’t suck. Lots is getting done, I’m not bored or super-stressed or any of my normal signals that something is very very wrong, but it still is this gigantic time-sink that keeps me from doing the things that I want to do.

For instance, last night was Friday. Let’s ignore the fact that I should have written this post earlier. It was also First Friday, and I was looking forward to heading downtown and checking out what’s new in the arts district, having some noms and bar-hopping with friends. Instead, though, I was at work. Working.

If you include Thursday’s Game Industry Night mixer that is pretty mandatory since I’m the organizer, I was working late four out of five nights this week. This leads to eating poorly, exercising less, and not sleeping enough. So while the work itself is not bad at all, the disruption to my normal goings-on is just that – disruptive.

Also filed under Hard, but without need for explanation:

Eating poorly.

Exercising less.

Not sleeping enough.

The Good Stuff

Wandering. Wednesday night, after leaving work at a reasonable hour, I just did what I felt like – alone, at my pace – before winding up at home. After climbing class, I stopped by Desert Breeze park to watch the first kickball game of the season, for the team I am no longer on (see: too many activities). I stood quietly on the sidelines, said hey to some of the folks I had been missing, and moved on when the game was over.

Then it was dinnertime. Fuku-time! I don’t know what it is about the food truck culture that I love so much – it’s probably the feeling of it being more of an event than just going to a boring restaurant that is in the same boring place all the time. Highly recommended – but they don’t get started until 8pm, so plan on some fourth-meal action.

Between kickball and the food truck, I definitely felt like a quiet outsider. I was an observer of all this crazy energy. It’s a strange feeling. I definitely didn’t want to be in it, and I didn’t yet want to be home for the evening either. I just watched. Was it good? It was interesting. And definitely not bad.

Dancing and Climbing still totally happened. Somewhere in all the craziness, I did get to all of my planned activities for the week. It feels good that by aiming for less, I actually did accomplish these goals (with relish!).

I’d better wrap this up quickly, as today’s ballet class starts in less than an hour.

Objectives Quests!

Blegh. Objectives sounds so cold and business-like, but I really do want to add a section for looking forward to next week. I need a list.

GDC is coming! The reason for most of this overwork is so I don’t fall too far behind next week, when I’m in Austin for GDC Online. Those of you not in the know: it’s the Game Developers’ Conference. Emphasis on online and mobile games, which is pretty much where my business falls these days. It’ll be my first conference since making the jump to Producer, and I’m happy to finally immerse myself in that. Also: Sause. Friends in attendance. The Boy in attendance. Excite!

There is a possibility for a lot of Hard there, too, as it is basically a week-long business party. It’ll be like Game Industry Night times eleventy. I’ll be tired, I’ll want alone time, I may be hung over at several points during the week. I’ll need to keep in mind about the orbit of the planets, and protect myself.

PostScript. Is it still a Friday Chicken if it happens on Saturday morning? Maybe not. It is not the day that is important, though. It is the reflection process that is important.

If you don’t agree with me, well, you can suck it.

Post-PostScript. Wow, my voice just went from Sarah/Havi to Sarah/Dooce. Don’t know where that came from. I say “suck it” with love, of course!

The Hard Stuff

Off-balance. I found the perfect metaphor for my productivity pattern this week – a moon in orbit. The planet is my old pattern. I can gather enough momentum, enough energy, to begin to break away from the planet, but eventually I begin to slow down and the planet’s gravity starts pulling me back. I get slingshot (slingshotted?) back into my old habits at breakneck pace. This happens over and over again, and I hate it.

I’m pretty sure it’s because the momentum I build is spent too quickly – I get too gung-ho. I am constantly working on finding the pace that is right for me. The problem is that I feel like I should be doing more. I should be as active as the people around me. I know on the inside that I’ve always been a quiet person that has occasional energy bursts, but I keep getting peer-pressured (my own doing, of course) into doing more than I can maintain. This is the heart of my issues, I’m sure. I just need to be okay with doing well, quietly, calmly.

Given these revelations, and last week’s promise to listen to my body, holy business did it scream at me last weekend! I had my task list, and before the weekend could even get started, I had the most horrible night’s sleep that left no alternative but to sleep through ballet class and recover. By the time I was up, my friends’ move was finished and I couldn’t do anything but bring them delicious cupcakes to celebrate (not altogether a bad thing). I made it to derby and met up with some friends downtown afterwards, which turned out to be super excitingly awesome, in the totally low-key way that I needed.

As for the blech – work on the weekend – stuff, yeah, it happened. Both days. You have to expect it to happen sometimes, being a game dev. Fortunately, we did get a lot done, and saw immediate rewards as our big demo went swimmingly (no, I can’t talk about it yet). Unfortunately, I also missed ballet on Sunday for having been at the office.

The Good Stuff

Playing Spider-Girl. Week two of learning to rock climb was awesome, as expected. We learned stemming, which if you don’t know what that means, don’t worry – but I am crazy excited to learn any technique that doesn’t require a lot of upper body strength.

Work, despite being busy, is pretty awesome right now. Yeah, I’m working long hours – but so much is getting done, and things are looking good moving forward. As much as it tears my life out of balance, it is hard to get up out of your desk when things are going really well.

Habits Detective. I got to partake in my first Havi-hosted teleclass! I stole myself away from my desk Tuesday at lunchtime, and parked my butt in Panera for an hour while a bunch of very wise and very funny people talked on the phone about working through our patterns. I wish these happened more often. Actually, scratch that. I wish there were a safe space like that here in Las Vegas where I could feel closer to this wonderful community. I feel like they are My People, and it is just so hard to connect with them in the small amount of Internet-time I have.

Objectives Quests!

Blegh. Objectives sounds so cold and business-like, but I really do want to add a section for looking forward to next week. I need a list.

So the monsters? Yeah, not so much of an actual conversation happened; rather, the gradual realization came to me that I was putting too much pressure on myself. I am not quite sure how to fix this, except to know that I do it, and to watch for when that happens. Here is my list for the week:

• Honey Pie, I know you are very busy (in a good way). Do what you need to do at work, but do not kill yourself.
• Take the time to do physical activities that you enjoy. Don’t feel like lifting weights? Dance! Climb! Walk! Flail! Do something. It will make you feel better; trust me.
• Game Industry Night is next week. It will be intense, but you can handle it. Here is how:
• Don’t plan any other big social things this week. You will want, and need, quiet time.

All the rest of you: if you need to, take a breath. Don’t think so much about should. Just do what will make you feel better.

I made the Friday Chicken, with 30 minutes to spare! Woo hoo! I feel good for having done it – not even as much for writing the post, as for having gone through the process of wrapping up this week (in a cozy blanket) to prepare for the next.

The Hard Stuff

This week was surprisingly devoid of Hard Stuff – at least, I managed to talk myself out of most of it. Examples include taking the 5 minutes (so long!) each night to wash dishes after dinner, finally selling my old Roomba on eBay, exercising, and not staying up until 2am every night.

In short, I’m still feeling squishy, still tired and allergic, but I’m more okay with it this week. I’m dealing with it, rather than ignoring it. I am not punishing myself, but taking gentle steps to make things better.

The Good Stuff

Movement. Saturday: ballet. Sunday: ballet. Monday: gym (circuits). Tuesday: gym (circuits). Wednesday: rock climbing class!! Thursday & Friday: holy shit I’m pooped – but I get to start it all again tomorrow with more dancings!

Girls’ Night Out! Monday night I met up with a couple of girlfriends – one who lives here and one who was visiting family. Wow, cocktails and catching up / mindless chatter are healing! Also, bonus: did not overeat, despite being at superdelicious Caña for tapas.

Did I mention rock climbing? I bought a Groupon with a friend last month for rock climbing classes, and Wednesday was our first lesson (of four). I learned to belay, woo! More importantly, we are getting very close to the awesome time of year known as AUTUMN IN LAS VEGAS, in which hiking, bouldering and now rock climbing will feature heavily in my weekend activities! I love love LOVE Red Rock Canyon.

Veggables! Lots of ‘em! I got my first CSA delivery yesterday from Quail Hollow Farm (1/3 share split with some friends, I am only one person you know), and have all kinds of cooking adventure ahead of me. Our basket included beets, sweet corn, Armenian cucumber, okra, summer squash, red onion, golden delicious apples, and Anaheim peppers. I dove right in for dinner with a sauté of yellow squash, red okra, and prosciutto, with a couple slices of bread from Nora’s Wine Bar. And a glass of Basil Hayden, I cannot lie.

Objectives Quests!

Blegh. Objectives sounds so cold and business-like, but I really do want to add a section for looking forward to next week. I need a list.

Progress has been made! None of the line items from the previous two weeks are ready to be checked off, but each of them has seen movement. I did, in fact, unclutterify a bit (Roomba). I practiced some wacky Shivanauttery (a few times, even!) – getting up early enough to do so, though that tapered off as the week’s weariness began to set in.

As for the monsters: no, I didn’t have an actual conversation. We’re not on speaking terms yet. I did, however, finally print out Havi’s Talking to Monsters coloring book & handbook, and place them nicely on the coffee table as a peace offering.

This weekend will be extra-yikes busy. Ballet-helpafriendmove-OMGROLLERDERBY, followed by blechworkonSunday-ballet-PlayDeadpreview. I already want to run and hide from the lack of recovery time, but I will try and keep tabs on how I’m feeling, and not let things get out of control. Work’s gonna be busy for the next month, whether I’m ready for it or not.

Okay, that’s not a list. My thoughts aren’t quite as organized this week. I need a nap.