Havi at The Fluent Self has a wonderful habit (among many) of checking in with herself every Friday, to reflect on how the week went. I like it. I don’t have a better name for it, so for now I am stealing quietly borrowing hers.

The Hard Stuff

Off-balance. I found the perfect metaphor for my productivity pattern this week – a moon in orbit. The planet is my old pattern. I can gather enough momentum, enough energy, to begin to break away from the planet, but eventually I begin to slow down and the planet’s gravity starts pulling me back. I get slingshot (slingshotted?) back into my old habits at breakneck pace. This happens over and over again, and I hate it.

I’m pretty sure it’s because the momentum I build is spent too quickly – I get too gung-ho. I am constantly working on finding the pace that is right for me. The problem is that I feel like I should be doing more. I should be as active as the people around me. I know on the inside that I’ve always been a quiet person that has occasional energy bursts, but I keep getting peer-pressured (my own doing, of course) into doing more than I can maintain. This is the heart of my issues, I’m sure. I just need to be okay with doing well, quietly, calmly.

Given these revelations, and last week’s promise to listen to my body, holy business did it scream at me last weekend! I had my task list, and before the weekend could even get started, I had the most horrible night’s sleep that left no alternative but to sleep through ballet class and recover. By the time I was up, my friends’ move was finished and I couldn’t do anything but bring them delicious cupcakes to celebrate (not altogether a bad thing). I made it to derby and met up with some friends downtown afterwards, which turned out to be super excitingly awesome, in the totally low-key way that I needed.

As for the blech – work on the weekend – stuff, yeah, it happened. Both days. You have to expect it to happen sometimes, being a game dev. Fortunately, we did get a lot done, and saw immediate rewards as our big demo went swimmingly (no, I can’t talk about it yet). Unfortunately, I also missed ballet on Sunday for having been at the office.

The Good Stuff

Playing Spider-Girl. Week two of learning to rock climb was awesome, as expected. We learned stemming, which if you don’t know what that means, don’t worry – but I am crazy excited to learn any technique that doesn’t require a lot of upper body strength.

Work, despite being busy, is pretty awesome right now. Yeah, I’m working long hours – but so much is getting done, and things are looking good moving forward. As much as it tears my life out of balance, it is hard to get up out of your desk when things are going really well.

Habits Detective. I got to partake in my first Havi-hosted teleclass! I stole myself away from my desk Tuesday at lunchtime, and parked my butt in Panera for an hour while a bunch of very wise and very funny people talked on the phone about working through our patterns. I wish these happened more often. Actually, scratch that. I wish there were a safe space like that here in Las Vegas where I could feel closer to this wonderful community. I feel like they are My People, and it is just so hard to connect with them in the small amount of Internet-time I have.

Objectives Quests!

Blegh. Objectives sounds so cold and business-like, but I really do want to add a section for looking forward to next week. I need a list.

So the monsters? Yeah, not so much of an actual conversation happened; rather, the gradual realization came to me that I was putting too much pressure on myself. I am not quite sure how to fix this, except to know that I do it, and to watch for when that happens. Here is my list for the week:

  • Honey Pie, I know you are very busy (in a good way). Do what you need to do at work, but do not kill yourself.
  • Take the time to do physical activities that you enjoy. Don’t feel like lifting weights? Dance! Climb! Walk! Flail! Do something. It will make you feel better; trust me.
  • Game Industry Night is next week. It will be intense, but you can handle it. Here is how:
  • Don’t plan any other big social things this week. You will want, and need, quiet time.

All the rest of you: if you need to, take a breath. Don’t think so much about should. Just do what will make you feel better.

I made the Friday Chicken, with 30 minutes to spare! Woo hoo! I feel good for having done it – not even as much for writing the post, as for having gone through the process of wrapping up this week (in a cozy blanket) to prepare for the next.